The more I seek control, the more I lose it.

John 12: 24-26

The more I seek control, the more I lose it.

24] Very truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. [25] Those who love their life lose it, and those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. [26] Whoever serves me must follow me, and where I am, there will my servant be also. Whoever serves me, the Father will honor.

What is happening in this scripture? – The Passover is coming. John’s Jesus has just made his mock triumphal entry into Jerusalem on the back of a donkey or colt. Philip and Andrew come to Jesus to tell him that some Greeks have come seeking him. Jesus tells them his hour is at hand. Once again we are reminded that we are in the world of John the mystic. Every word in John is full of depth and mystery. Jesus says, Very truly I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Jesus uses, as he had many times before, an agricultural metaphor.
At first glance he is talking about the circle of life, but here he speaks of falling into the earth, death, and by dying, bearing much fruit. Jesus goes on to say, Those who love their life lose it, and those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. This sounds almost Buddhist. Those who cling, who are too attached, are doomed to suffer over and over, because of the futility of the attachment and the inevitability of change. Jesus continues: Whoever serves me must follow me, and where I am, there will my servant be also. This is a provocative and a foreboding call. Follow Jesus? He is at the threshold of death. He will suffer the agony and loneliness of abandonment, betrayal and crucifixion. Do we dare follow Jesus? He finishes with a promise: Whoever serves me, the Father will honor.

How is this happening in the world today? – The festival of Passover was the central day of faith, and remains so, for Jews. On this day they remember that they were slaves in Egypt. They remember that they had to eat bitter herbs and unleavened bread in haste, for they had to arise and flee from the Egyptians. They remember that God spared them from the plague of the angel of death who passed over their homes marked with the blood of a lamb. They remember who they are. Jesus tell his disciples, cryptically that unless he dies, new fruit cannot be borne. The fruit metaphor is found again in the writing of Paul and James to signify the beginnings of a sought for resurrection and restoration of the martyrs and saints of the Jewish people. New life. Rebirth. New fruit. New nourishment, replacing the old food. New bread, new wine, replacing the old manna, the spoiled wine. But you have to break some eggs to make an omelet. You have to bury seeds for new plants to grow.
Questions to ponder: Where is God planting new seeds for you today? What are you clinging to that you need to release before new growth, new life can happen for you? Where does Jesus call you to follow him? Where must you go to serve? How does your service bring you into his presence?

How is this story my story? -- Lord, I know I love my own way too much. I know my love for control is an obstacle to hearing you call me towards new life. Death frightens me Lord. So does loss of control, and even of those things that only hurt me. Help me to realize that only by dying to the myth of control can I realize new life in you. Help me to discover that he who would save his life shall lose it, and he who would lose his life for your sake shall have it, in the depths of the eternal now. Teach me to let go of the illusion of control Lord, over others, and over you. May it be so.-RSP